What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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