I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
