This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
