She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
