He is an equal opportunity slut.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
