I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
