Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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