Only a mothe r could love this liver
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
