I've blown a few things in my day
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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