It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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