i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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