If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
