you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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