Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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