There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
