god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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