i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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