glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
