Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize