So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
