Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
