to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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