you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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