Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
