I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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