I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
