I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
