I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
