i just sent this text using only my big toe
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
