She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
