I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
