Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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