nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
