I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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