I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
