wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
