dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
