thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
