my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
