after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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