I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize