Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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