im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
