How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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