Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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