Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
