i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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