i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
