This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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