Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
