y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
