she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
