Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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