I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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