My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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