If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
