No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
