I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
