We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I checked into jail on foursquare
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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