Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
