it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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