now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
