Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
