Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
