I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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