The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
