$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
