sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
