If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
