mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
