Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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