wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
