i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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