Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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