Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
