I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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